For the Love of All that is Good and Watermelon
by crazyperson17
Summary: Heres to randomness! YAY! Story about Edward and Bella and the ultimate evil... Watermelons
1. Love and Watermelons

**For the Love of All that is Good and Watermelon**

Once upon a time there was a girl named Bella. She lived in a world of butterflies and vampires. OMG! Guess what?! Her boyfriend was a vampire!!! YAY! She loved him soooooooooo much! He was hot and awesome and he watched her sleep! That is so NOT creepy!

This happy couple decided to go to their special meadow. Bella's vampire boyfriend, Edward, became all sparkly. Bella and fan girls in background all swoon.

"Oh Eddie! You're so manly when you sparkle like a rainbow!" Bella cries.

Giggles erupt from fan girls.

"Belly, lets go. I want to eat." Edward says whiningly.

"OK!" Bella laughs and they skip off to the forest.

"Oh looky! A mountain lion! I'll go drink it's blood cuz' I'm a VEGITARIAN!" Edward yells and runs at the animal.

Bella watches and cheers him on; wishing that she was a vampire and could kills animals and drink their blood, just like Edward.

Ed returns to her, covered in blood.

"Edward I'm hungry."

"Ok lets go to The Lodge." Edward suggests.

The couple enters the restaurant and Edward starts panting.

"What is it Eddie?" Bella asks.

"She smells really pretty." Edward says pointing to a waitress.

"NO!" Bella shrieked "I'm the one whose blood you want to drink, not her!" In her fit of rage, Bella pulls out a machine gun and fires several rounds into the waitress.

"BBBBAAAWWWWWW HHHHAAAA HHHHAAAAA HA!" Bella laughs and runs.

"For the love of all that is good and watermelon!" Edward says and runs to the body.

He immediately starts liking the blood off of the floor.

From somewhere in the rafters of the building an assassin waits. When Edward is directly below him he strikes. Down comes a watermelon. A vampire's true weakness! It hits Edward right on the head. Within minutes the fictional character is dead.

Bella walks back inside hesitantly.

"Dear god, No!" She yells seeing her love dead on the floor. "The watermelon finally got to him." She falls to the floor and weeps.

"Don't cry lil' lady. A giant talking hot dog says.

"Hello _handsome._" Bella says, standing up.

"Come with me. We'll find happiness together." The talking frankfurt said.

Bella runs to the hog dog and kisses him. She pulls away breathing hard.

"I have found my one and only true love" She sighs.

The couple is wed the very next day. Then they go skipping into the sunset.

The End!


	2. authors note

**Awesome Anti Twilight Poem**

Rose is a jerk,

Alice is awesome,

Emmett has a cute smirk,

Edward smells like a dead possum.

But Rose's hatred is fading,

The pixie is sleeping,

Pantie drawers, Emmett is raiding,

In his room alone, Ed is weeping. **(No one knows why he's crying. Maybe it's his dead-possum-smell)**

**I don't know... I was bored. ALSO! PEOPLE PLEASE, PLEASE give me some story ideas! Just leave them in a review! PLEASE! I need your help! I'll give you credit in the story and you might become a character!**


	3. Frank is Gone Ed is Back

One day Bella and her husband, Frank, a giant talking hot dog, were walking in the mall.

"Look!" Bella shouts, "It's the stalker emporium! Edward used to love to go there." Bella remembers her dead vampire boyfriend. "You know what! I want a divorce. I'm gonna go and try to make Edward come back to life!"

"Okay sweet _thang_" Frank says.

"Okie-dokie." Bella skips away. "Oh Eddie!" she calls as she walks through the grave yard.

"BELLA!" Edward shouts.

"Aggh!" Bella screams. "I thought you died!"

"I did. But now I'm a real vampire." Suddenly Bella realizes that Edward is a bat. He transforms into a person. He is really ugly. He has black eyes and his fangs are dripping with blood.

"Crap, your ugly. I'll get back together with Frankie!" Bella turns on her heel and walks away.

"But I wuv woo!" Edward yells and runs after her. At that moment their true and undying love make Edward hot and sparkly again. "Oh lookie! My pretty is back!"

"YAY! Your hot again!"

"Will you marry me?"

"Hell no."

"Why? You married Frank."

"Yeah but, well, I don't want to marry anyone ever again. So we'll live together forever, as vampires, but we won't get married."

"Bella…" Edward says "If we get married there'll be a honey moon!"

"OMG! Yes, yes, yes, I'll marry you! BWWWWAAA HAHAHAHAH HA. Finally!"

So then they get married. They go on their honey moon and Bella gets pregnant.

"NOOO! Crap, I'm pregnant!" Bella suddenly feels different. "OMG! I love this baby! I love it more than you Eddie! Go die in a hole full of poo! YAY! I got a baby! Crap, the baby's killing me. Oh, well. I WUV IT!"

Edward and Bella then return home.

"Oh, um, Bella, we need to kill the baby cause it's killing you." Carlisle says.

"NO WAY!" Bella screams! "I got Rose as a body guard."

"Oh, okay them. We'll let the baby kill you."

"YAY!"

Bella has the baby and almost dies but Eddie bites her and she's all better.

"WOOO! I'm a vampire! Hey baby. Uhh, oh yeah, Renesmee, go die in a hole! I am a vampire! Wooo! Edward! Now we can got home and well, you know, do stuff, like file paperwork. *Wink* Now we don't have to hold back! Wooop Ieee! Tralalala I'm a fluffy bunny!" While Bella is singing she runs into the wall. Her vampire strength make it fall in. A bunch of watermelons fall out. "Oh, CRAP! I'm melting! I'm melting!" I'm melting!" Bella then dies.

"Carlisle! Why are there watermelons in the walls? They could kill us!"

"They already did." Bella said. (I know she's dead but hey, anything's possible!)

"Well, the Volturi will attack so we best be prepared." Carlisle explained.

"Oh!" Everyone suddenly understands (Including the dead Bella).

"Well, your all idiots so I'm going to Jake' house!" Renesmee says and walks out the door on her way to her boyfriend's (Whose sixteen. She's several days old) home.

The End!


	4. Volturi are Coming

**Note: HI! Thanks everyone for supporting me! You've all been great so I'm going to be adding to this story on a regular basis. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Well yeah you get it. I don't own anything (sadly)**

Once upon a time Bella was dead. She was killed by a watermelon. Her vampire boyfriend, Edward missed her a lot. He wanted to try to bring her back but he was just too lazy. For days he cried because he wanted his Bella but he couldn't bear to walk away from the show he was watching, Teletubbies. He sat there, wishing he wasn't so fat from drinking too much blood. Suddenly Bella appeared! She had no idea why. The real reason was that the author didn't feel like having to bring her back through some long drawn out love story so she simply said abracadabra and BAM! Bella was alive and well again.

"BELLA!" Edward shouted and ran to her, all of his laziness suddenly gone. They meet in joyous reunion and are happy for like a billion years. Then one day while Edward and Bella were… filing paperwork… The Volturi showed up wanting them to bow to their superior intellect. Emmett didn't know what that meant so he declared war on the Volturi! Theytook all the watermelons that they had been storing and they threw them on the evil Italian vamps. They died and it was good. The Cullens prospered and live happily ever- WAIT! Suddenly out of absolutely nowhere a watermelon hits Esme.

"NO! My love, my life. GONE!" Edward screams. "Oops, wait that's Carlisle's line right?" Everyone checks their scripts and nods.

"NO! My love, my life. GONE!" Carlisle screams. Everyone cries at the loss of their foster mother.

"HELLO! I'm NOT dead!" Esme yells. Everyone looks and gasps! She sure wasn't dead, but she wasn't a vampire either! SHE WAS A WATERMELON!

"Okay, sorry but we're getting a divorce 'cuz you can kill me pretty easily!" Carlisle says and walks away.

"Help me! You can change me back. Just look into your heart." Esme whispered.

"OH! Guess what! I looked into my heart and found gooy black stuff!" Rose yells happily.

"Sweetie buns that goo is called yuck bleck." Emmett explained.

"Yuck bleck? OH CRAP! Yuck bleck! I'm evil! Oh pretty me. I no care no more." Rose skips away to a vacation on an island. At that time the author decides that Alice and Jasper need to be in the story. Also at that time the author gets bored and wants to go to bed. So she decides that Alice and Jasper help save Esme and make the gooy black stuff in Rose's heart go away. But the author was bored so she decided that she wouldn't write that part 'cuz she felt like bugging her viewers! So where were we? Oh right! Esme and Rose are saved!

Edward and Bella are happy once more.

"Oh golly gee Edward! I'm so hap-diddly-pap-hap-tastic! Can we file paperwork?" Bella says to Edward at their home in the cottage.

"Why of course!"

Edward takes out a filing cabinet and starts to sort through it.

"YAY!" Bella yells.

"It's even better than last time!" Edward said enthusiastically.

They spend the remainder of the night going through bills and balancing the checkbook. They have through it all and love each other VERY CREEPILY MUCH!

**The End**


	5. Cullens go to the moon

**Disclamer: Yup I don't own anything except the plot.**

"OMG!" Bella screamed "SOME PERSON IS WRITING A STORY ABOUT OUR LIFE!"

"Is it Stephanie Meyers? We already know about that! She used our lives to make gajillions of dollars!" Edward mumbled.

"NO! This is SO much worse! This girl is writing about us but…. She knows that watermelons kill us!" Bella beings sobbing and everyone gasps!

"Oh no! They'll be able to hunt us down and really kill us!" Rose said.

"Wait who is 'They"?" Carlisle asked as he walked into the living room.

"People who hate Twilight!" Emmett screamed like a girl and ran upstairs.

"Well, why don't we just relocate?" Carlisle offered.

"But every country has read this book, we'll never be safe!" Alice yelled.

"The MOON!" Emmett yelled from his room.

Everyone nodded and began packing.

"I'll spend a large million on a rocket and we'll still have a whole bunch of money that I never give to charity!" Carlisle said.

"Yeah, why is that?!" Esme sighed, not understanding her husband's obsession for money. Carlisle just stuck his tongue out at her.

The Cullens bought a large, family size rocket and flew up and up, all the way to the moon! They built a house and lived happily eve- WAIT!

"AGH! We need blood!" Bella screamed in pain.

"Crap never thought of that!" Emmett muttered.

"I knew it! Emmett can't ever think of something good without there being a problem!" Edward turned to Emmett. "Can you fly the rocket back home and bring back lots of peop- I mean animals. Preferably bunnies!"

"YUP!" Emmett ran back to the rocket and started it. He was driving so fast that he wiped out the American flag and Bella and Esme had to super glue it back together.

"Ooppies!" He called out the window as he headed for earth.

"Well, what now?" Bella asked "The author got bored and can't think of anything else to make us do."

"NO! The author is still writing about us! Everyone will know that we're one the moon!" Edward began to cry. "What do we do?"

"Well, just about all fanfics have something in them where we talk on AIM." Alice offered.

"Yeah!" Everyone got out their laptops and signed in.

"Why is it we get reception up here on the moon?" Alice asked.

"Hey I was able to talk while I was dead so we know that anything is possible!" Bella said.

_BloodloverofBella: _You know, I have a really reviling username!

_Dr. Fang: _Yeah me too!

_PrettyerthanU: _Mine is great! It's soooo true!

_Footballvamp101: _I is on Earth now. Me got bunnies for us to eat! WOOO! Be back soon!

_I3EC: _WOO! I heart me some yummy bunnies!

_Mom: _Edward, Carlisle, Rose, Emmett, Bella get off! Your using up electricity from the generater! Those extention cords that connect back to Earth aren't going to last forever!

_Evilpixie: _So that's how we have Internet connection!

_Mom: _OFF NOW!

Evilpixie has signed off

has signed off

PrettyerthanU has signed off

BloodloverofBella has signed off

Footballvamp101 has signed off

I3EC has signed off

"Hey why hasn't Esme signed off yet?" Alice asked.

"Fine!" Esme yells

Mom has signed off

"WAIT! I just realized that Jasper wasn't in this story!" Alice searches for Jasper.

"Here I am! Remember when we played hide and seek like three weeks ago? I hid here and you finally found me!!!" Jasper comes out from a crater.

"YAY! We're a big happy family!" Everyone laughs and they live happily eve- WAIT. No, I'm just messing with ya! They live happily eve- WAIT. Haha I did it again! I'll be good this time! They live happily eve- WAIT. Okay sorry I'm done now. They live happily ever after…… for now.

**The End! **

**Author's note: Sorry, I might not be able to write for a while. I'm getting my braces on next week and, I think I might have the flu! Thanks for your reviews and support! Remeber to leave me ideas! R+R my viewers!**


	6. Renesmee is Gay in the Future

**Disclaimer: Bla Bla Bla you know I don't own it.**

"La la la la la!" Renesmee was skipping through a field near La Push when she realized that she hadn't seen her family in 100,000,000,000,000 years! She began to wonder where they had gone. Then she new it! The moon of course! Back when Stephine Meyes books were actually popular they had fled the hateful human's world to find peace. But now in the year 1milliondy, 1milliondy the moon was populated with giant taking hot dogs, like, Frank! Renesmee used her jet shoes to fly WAY up into the sky. She went to the moon and found her family in the middle of they're thanksgiving feast. Edward and Emmett were haveing a bunny drinking contest. "Oooooo! Can I join?" Renesmee asked as she bit into a bunny. Mmmmmmm her favorite!

"Yuperdoodles honey! We really missed you those past 100,000,000, 000, 000 years that we never texted you or called or came to get you- Well the point is we missed you!" Edward said to her.

After eating bunnies they played baseball. Frank and his new family joined in. Frank's new wife, Bellina, hated Bella very much! Frank and Bellina had a daughter named Nessa-re. Franks parents, Casl and Emmsay had a son and a daughter, Romslie and Jappser. Romslie was married to Ttemme and Jappser was married to Alleice. Every one had sooooooo much fun together (not). But Alice and Alleice hated each other. As did Casl and Carlisle. It was like this for everyone! Edward and Frank, Ttemme and Emmett, Esme and Emmsay, Jasper and Jappser! But the worst was Rosile and Romslie. They argued about who was prettier and who had more shoes and so on. Renesmee and Nessa-re were friends though. They loved all the same things, EVERTHING! They agreed that they should change their names to Mary-Sue. Mary-Sue and Mary-Sue went back to Earth and decided to switch teams and start dating each other. Then Mary-Sue preposed to Mary-Sue and they got married.

"You, Mary-Sue, do you take this, Mary-Sue to be you loftily wedded wife?" the minister asked.

"I do." Mary-Sue said. The minister repeated this to Mary-Sue and then they were wife and wife.

They went back to the moon and lived in a cottage near their families. One day Mary-Sue realized that Mary-Sue was a man.

"WHAT??? I'm changing my name back to Renesmee!" She cried and ran back to Jacob.

"I guess I'm not Mary-Sue anymore either. I'm GARY-Sue!!! Yippie" The previous Nessa-re then Mary-Sue now Gary-Sue yelled!

Renesmee went back to Earth and got married to Jacob. She promised everyone and herself that she would always play for the right team. She would never be gay again.

"You're straight right?" She asked Jake. He assured her that he was and they lived happily eve- WAIT. Okay now you must hate me. I won't do that anymore.

Me- I swear on my mother's grave!

My mom- HEY!

Me- Fine then I just swear on um… *looks around* uh, this potato!

And then the Cullens and Hot Dogs live happily eve- WAIT! Okay I am _really _sorry. (not really). They lived happily ever after. Expect me to be annoying in the next chaper too! *big grin*

**The End!**

**Okay guys I NEED IDEAS! It's not that hard to do the following:**

Reviews:

_Crazyperson17: _Hey you could have the Cullens do (Insert idea HERE)…….

**Not hard! Please, Please help me out! Thanks for Reading not just Review!**

**Push the review button… It will make all your dreams come true! Or it will give you a cookie, but both are pretty amazing so PUSH THE BUTTON!**


	7. Truth or A Format Change?

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Hi friend that I don't know!**

**Friend that I don't know: HI!**

**Me: For my birthday I want ownership of Twilight!**

**Ftidk: Good 'cuz I got you the book!**

**Me: I don't want the book! The book is icky! I want to own the rights and stuff of Twilight so I can make the Mary-Sues die!**

**Ftidk: Ohhhh!**

**Me: Go away!**

**Obviously I don't own Twilight.**

Bella: Hey guys! Guess what?!

Everyone: WHAT?

Bella: The author is going to start writing in a new format! It's it exciting.

Everyone: Yeah whatever.

Alice: I THINK IT'S EXCITING!

Carlisle: We all know what you think Alice.

Bella: Anywho the author is changing or story a tiny bit.

Everyone: REALLY?

Jasper: Sorry but we don't care!

Bella: Well I think that it's great. She's going to make us a bit more random. She's been reading a LOT of funny fanfics lately and she wants us to be just like them! She's a great person too! She loves horses and she does Karat-

Author (me): SHUT UP!

Bella: Why should I?

Author (me): If you say too much stuff about me then someone will try to stalk me. *looks angrily at Edward*

Edward: What? I'm NOT a stalker!

Everyone: Yes. You. Are.

Bella: Anyway you mean I can't say stuff like "You have blue hair and blondish- brown eyes?"

Author (me): Okay, first I have BLUE EYES and BLONDISH-BRWON HAIR. *mumbles* "Idiot". Second, NO YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!

Bella: *looks scared* Yes ma'am.

Author (me): Good. I'll go write about your lives now.

Everyone: Hooray!

Jasper: Now What?

Alice: TRUTH OR DARE!

Everyone sits in a big circle on the living room floor.

Alice: Okay Bella truth or dare?

Bella: Um… dare?

Alice: I dare you to…*thinks*… eat an orange!

Bella: Alice hello I'm a human!

Alice: No your not!

Bella: Oh yeah I forgot! **(Sorry I actually did forget)**

Bella goes to the kitchen and brings back an orange. She carefully peels it and puts a slice in her mouth. She chews slowly and swallows hard. She shivered and made a face.

Bella: BLECK! I forgot how much I hated oranges!

Edward: OH! My turn!

Bella: Edward truth or dare?

Edward: TRUTH!

Bella: Is it true that bunny is your favorite blood?

Edward: Um… no I love bunnies!

Emmett: Uh-uh, no he's lying! He eats innocent bunnies!

Bella: EDWARD!

Edward: *looks at Bella sheepishly* Sorry.

Edward: Emmett truth or dare?

Emmett: DARE!

Edward: I dare you to jump off of the roof, into pudding then run through town.

Emmett: YAY!

Emmett makes 1,000,025 pounds or instant vanilla pudding and puts it in a giant bowl next to the house. He climbs on the roof and jumps. He falls in the pudding and jumps up and runs to town. He ran though the movie theater, into Wal-Mart, though the MacDonald's drive thru and around the Natural History Museum.

Emmett: *signing* I'm back!

Everyone: Yeah! *unenthusiastic*

Bella: I'm going to the cottage now.

Everyone: OMG! The last time the author wrote about us we were on the moon! Now were back on Earth! IT'S LIKE MAGIC!

Author (me): Uh… yeah… magic. *oops!*

The Cullens take their naps and live happily eve- WAIT. Okay that's not funny anymore is it? They lived. Let's just leave it at that.

**I hope you liked it! In my next chapter I'm going to write about what would've happened to the Cullens if Edward hadn't controlled himself the day he met Bella! BLOOD! Is the name of the chapter! WOOOO! I is a hyper little bit, yes! **

**See that button right there? It's magical! Go ahead! Push it! I know you want to! Do it I dare ya! Chicken! Bock, bock, bock, bock Bocka! Do IT! PUSH THE BUTTON! See I told you I was hyper. My mother should never let me near cupcakes. Mmmm… cupcakes! **


	8. The Bet:Part 1

**Disclaimer: HEY! Steph. can I pretty please have Twilight?**

**S.M.: Yes!**

**Me: Really?!**

**S.M.: No I was just kidding.**

**Obviously I do not own Twilight**

**Ok I know I promised you a chapter of Edward eating Bella but… I CAN'T FOCUS! So I wrote this in Math *shudder* and my Learning Lab. This takes place while Bella is still human.**

BPOV

I was such a worrier. Edward wasn't here yet and I was freaking out. I stared out of my bedroom window, looking out at the night sky. He said he would come. Maybe he decided to go on a quick hunt. I held onto that thought as I fell asleep.

I woke, feeling cold, strong arms wrap around me.

"Mmm.. Edward." I murmured, turning into him.

"Guess again." A deep voice said. I jumped off of the bed, glaring at Emmett. "What?" He asked innocently.

"What the hell are you doing, Emmett?"

"Well you see, Eddie Boy lost a bet. So I came here to make him angry and he's at home, tied to a chair, being forced to eat fruit."

"!!!" WHAT? "Not watermelon?!"

"Why?" Was Em really that stupid?

"Umm HELLO! Watermelons _kill _you!"

"Ohh yeah! I should call Alice, a.k.a. captain of Edward's torture." Ah, the perfect moment for a face-palm. Emmett took out his cell phone.

"Hey, Alice, no watermelons, they kill remember?" I heard Alice's muffled "K!" and Em hung up.

"OK! No watermelons, Belly!" He was such a three year old! "I got to go video tape this!" And with that he sprinted away.

"Email me a copy of the video!" I yelled out the window. What? I wasn't completely boring.

EmPOV

HAHA! I was an evil genius. How could Edward ever think that he could beat me at wrestling? Yeah, it's happened before. About three thousand twenty-six times actually. But now I'd officially beaten him eight times. The best part was everyone- except my Rosie- bet on Edward and lost _a lot _of money. Not that it really affected us.

I ran up to our boring white house. White? Really, could it get more boring? I took the small video camera out of my pocket and turned it on. I snuck up to a window and eased it open. I had a clear view of everything. Edward was tied to a chair and my wife and sister were standing over him, force feeding him peaches and apples! HAHA Edward! I won! AGAIN! Ed's eyes were full of fear. And suddenly I realized why.

"ALICE!" I shouted but I was too late. Jasper came down the stairs, holding a basket full of fruit. There were oranges, bananas and kiwis but worst of all, there was a huge, ripe watermelon. Jaz tripped (**Don't ask me just go with it)** and the giant green fruit flew above us and landed, predictably, on me. It actually felt good. It was like cool water slowly being poured over you head. Then the burning started. It was small at first but then the pain grew and it was all I could think about.

"He's dying!" Rosalie screamed, running toward me. When she saw the watermelon bits that covered that area around me she stopped and started backing away. "Em! YOUR HEAD!" She cried. Hurridly, Alice threw a mirror towards me. MY HEAD WAS A WATERMELON!

**Too be continued…**

**HAHA! Cliffe hanger! There will be more soon.**

**Push the button… it won't give you watermelons, which, if you are a vampire, is a very good thing!**

**-Kate M.**


	9. The Bet:Part 2

**Disclaimer: I used to own Twilight but a leprechaun stole it from me and gave it to Steph.**

BPOV

I couldn't stand it! I had to see what was going on! I called Alice and within seconds she was at my window. She scooped me up and she ran to the huge white house that I would soon call home. As soon as we started down the driveway I heard screaming. Really high-pitched girly screaming.

"Who-"

"Emmett." Alice answered before I could ask. She set me down and we ran together up the porch. The door opened and there stood my angel. His hair was covered in fruit; oranges, apples, and? Sweet potatoes?! His crooked smile formed on his face and I laughed.

"The things you and your family get into!" I walked up and took his hand.

"Yup. You so do not want to see what Emmett got himself into." We rounded the corner of the living room and I screamed along with Emmett. HIS ENTIRE WAS A WATERMELON! How was he not dead?

"Emmett?" I asked uneasily. He smiled. His head was an oval sitting on his neck. His eyes and mouth were there but his nose and ears were gone. The green of the watermelon complimented his pale skin. He could start a new trend and call it "Melon Head! The juiciest thing around. The Cullens (AND ME) would travel the world, doing fashion shows and making billions! (not that they needed the money) It would be amazing! Then, once Em's career was over we would retire in the Caribbean and live happily. Years later, he could come back and everyone would gasp, thinking that he would be old, or even dead by then. We'd tell them that watermelons keep you from aging. Then, we'd open a giant franchise that sold watermelons and make TRILLIONS! And for all the vampires out there, we'd research a potion that would make it so watermelons couldn't hurt vampires. Oh the mon-

"Earth to Bella!" Emmett shouted, breaking me out of my fantasies. "It's just me. I'm fine actually. I feel a little top heavy, but I can learn to deal with it." He smiled and I noticed that Rosalie was crying in the corner. For once I felt sorry for her. I wouldn't want my husband to be a watermelon head either. Unless it made money… we could make so much money that-

"BELLA!" Edward said.

"What?"

"Stop thinking about money- OMG! I can read your mind! I can read your mind!"

"No you can't."

"OH! I can't anymore!"

"GUYS SOLUTION HERE!" Rose shouted at us.

"Give Jasper a swirly! Give Jasper a swirly!" Emmett yelled.

"EEP." Jaz squeaked from somewhere upstairs.

"I'm serious." Rose said sternly.

"Um… maybe Aro could help us. He's actually an evil scientist." Carlisle said as he glided down the stairs with Esme at his side.

"Good thinking." Edward said.

**One long plane ride to ****Italy**** later…**

"Is he gonna fix my head yet? Is he gonna fix my head yet? Is he gonna fix my head yet? Is he gonna f-"

"EMMETT we're not there yet. We'll be in Volterra in a few minutes." Esme said, barley able to control her temper.

"Fine."

Five minutes later we were standing in Volturi castle.

"WELCOME! Welcome! Come in! Ah, hello Carlisle, my old friend." Aro said smiling, completely unaware of Emmett's predicament.

"Aro, my son needs help. Can we go to your lab?" Carlisle asked simply.

"Right this way." Heidi said unenthusiastically as she lead us further underground. We stopped in a dark room.

"Long ago," Aro said moving around us. "I created a formula that made vampires immune to the evils of watermelons." Well damn! There goes my brilliant money-making plan! "Here it is. Drink it and be well again." Aro said offering a beaker to Emmett. He chugged it and gasped.

"But it's just blood!"

"Exactly! Silly, blood cures all watermelon-related problems!"

"REALLY?" Everyone asked at once.

"No only this particular one!" We left for home, happy to be away from Aro and his weridness. Em's head was normal and Rosalie was in an unnaturally good mood. We arrived in Forks, ready for another adventure!

**Her ends the epic of "The Bet" I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! Crème Puffs… coming soon.**

**PUSH THE BUTTON! I know you want to.**

**-Kate M.**


	10. Creme Puffs!

**Disclaimer: I own the chocolate that I'm eating now, not Twilight.**

**Note to Viewers: Never give me chocolate. It results in VERY random fanfics. Actually if you like my random fics, PLEASE GIVE ME CHOCOLATE!**

Bella entered the Cullen's mansion, smelling something wonderful. She followed her nose to the kitchen were she saw them. Perfectly round, golden brown and filled with cream.

"CREME PUFFS!" She shouted and began shoving them in her mouth.

"Hey! Those were mine!" Emmett cried and tried to steal the desert from Bella.

"Since when do you like human food?"

"Since the gnome told me too. NOW GIMME!"

"Mine" Bella hissed, hovering protectively over her precious. "Mine! My own. My pppprrrrecious." **(HAHA Notice the Lord of the Rings quote? I watched that movie last night)**

"Bella, give Esme the crème puffs." Edward said in a very concerned voice.

"MINE!" She shouted and ran outside. After she had eaten THE ENTIRE pan of crème puffs she went back inside.

"EDWARD!" Bella yelled, hugging him. "I LOVE sugar." She sighed.

"Umm okay."

"Eddie, buy me some candy. And an alpaca. Hehe fuzzy llamas."

"Wonderful! Bella's on a sugar high!"

"HAHA!" Emmett laughed and gave Bella some Mn'Ms.

"SUGAR!"

"Emmett! What the hell was that for! She'll NEVER calm down!"

"My plan exactly! She's entertaining when she's hyper."

"I hate you."

"No, everyone loves me. I'm irresistible."

"Calendar! Popcorn! Switzerland!" Bella added because she felt left out.

"Just look what you've done! EMMETT!"

"I'm not the one who made the crème puffs."

"No, but you asked Esme to make them for you to eat." Edward retorted.

"The GNOME told me too." At this point Edward got really mad at Emmett.

"Stop fighting over my hyperness!!!!!!!!!!!" Bella screamed. "There is a solution! GIMME MORE SUGAR! HEHE!"

"Look at what you've done." Edward sighed and picked Bella up. "Come on. We'll find a way to calm you down."

"Fine then. I'll just go talk to Mr. Gnome."

"Issues. Issues." Edward said, shaking his head. He took Bella upstairs. "ALICE!"

"Yes, brother dearest? Why have you INTERUPTED MY FASHION SHOW?!"

"Uh… never mind!" Edward said quickly and ran. Messing with Alice's fashion shows wasn't a good idea. Edward then took Bella to Carlisle's office.

"Uh… Dad? Yeah, you see… BELLA'S ON A SUGAR HIGH!"

"Then give her more sugar." Carlisle said with an evil smile. Hehe he would finally get back at Eddie poo for messing with his medical tools! (Who'd of though Carlisle was evil?)

"Really?" Fine I guess it might work? Edward thought/questioned to himself. He carried Bella the Sugar Bunny back to the kitchen. "Hmmm. AH HA! Ice cream!" Edward pulled a carton out of the refrigerator. "Strawberry."

"YAY!"

By now you've probably guess that Bella goes INSANE! And she does. After twenty-four long minutes of eating sugar Edward decides to use that squishy pink thing called a brain.

"Carlisle tricked me! Your getting more and more hyper on sugar by the minute. Damn humans and their sugar highs! How should I, a blood-drinking vampire, have know that sugar gives you a 'sugar high'? I think all humans should drink blood, it would be less confusing. And then we all-"

At that moment Alice came into the kitchen and put a roll of duck tape around Eddie's mouth.

"Finally! I thought he'd never shut up!" Bella said, snapping out of the sugary-goodness-high.

"Fa La la la la la la la la!" Carlisle sang. " I beat Edward! I am supreme ruler of the Earth! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Bella joined him in the evil laughter.

Eventually Edward was allowed to talk, but only after counseling, and promising not to damn human to a watery grave **(How many evil Cullens are there?)**. Carlisle and Bella began plotting to take over the world and Emmett took Mr. Gnome out to lunch. Then he realized that gnomes don't drink blood, and that they also don't exist. Now I think all of us have learned a lesson today.

1) Never give Bella crème puffs- It cause sugar highs

2) Carlisle, Edward and Bella are evil

3) Yes, Edward Cullen has gone to counseling

4) Emmett is weird. But you knew that!

**Hehe! SUGAR! I can't believe that I ACTUALLY made this chapter kinda-sorta-ish long! I'm so proud of myself! NOW REVIEW! Review and I'll give you SUGAR! Hehe!**


	11. Goodbye! Therapy from me!

I KNOW, I KNOW! I am so incredibly sorry for not updating, but, as I have read more of fanfiction's comical stories, I realize how amateur 'For the Love of All that is Good and Watermelon' is. Therefore I plan to stop this story. If there is any author who would like to adopt it… please do. PM me and I'll turn everything over to you. BUT I still love writing humor, so I will be writing a new Twilight humor/parody/romance. It will be called 'A Day in the Death of a Vampire'. In this story I plan to go deeper and develop a plot more than this story. It will be about the crazy things the Cullens do. I want to thank all of my awesome fans out there who stuck with me in this story, even when I didn't update and I gave you some rather crappy, short chapters. I hope that, if and when a new author picks this story up, they'll do better than I did at funny Cullen craziness.

Thank you, Summer, for your undying support and enthusiasm!

"Watermelon!"

-Kate M.

I know how much readers hate it when alerts say there's a new chapter when it's only an author's note… so here's the final chapter written by me.

**Disclaimer: Moo! I'm a cow that doesn't own Twilight! Moo! (Okay, I'm not a cow, but I do enjoy Mooing)**

Bella sighed. "Edward I'm bored."

Far away… in a small bedroom… on a desk… sat a computer. At a chair in front of this computer… sat an author. And that author's name who everybody likes was Kate. Okay, yeah it was me… in my PJ's. I heard Bella's need for entertainment and soon, I was ready to rescue her.

"Have no fear, THE AUTHOR IS HERE!"

"Who said that?!" Bella screamed.

"Omigod! We're under attack! The alien will eat our brains!" Emmett then ran into the woods, screaming in terror.

"I come in Peace!"

"That's what aliens always say!" Emmett said from the forest.

Hmmm… this could be fun. "I'll eat your brains!" I said. I love having control of everyone and everything!

"Eep!" Jasper screamed like a girl. "Death is HERE!" He said mysteriously and rocked back and forth in the corner in fetal position.

"MWAHAHAHAHA! Cower before ME!" The Cullens ran around, shrieking. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not an alien… I'm an AUTHOR!" This time only Carlisle screamed. Everyone looked at him.

"What? I have an uncontrollable fear of authors."

"But you're still standing here." I said.

He shrugged. "Must have gotten over it."

"I heard Bella's call for help! She was bored… SO I INVENTED A GAME."

Bella smiled. "I like games."

"This game is called randomly randomness. I'll say a word. They you say whatever comes to mind."

"This sounds kinda like therapy." Esme said. I smiled at her and she nodded. Exactly, this was therapy. Now where was Emmett? He needed to be here for this!

"I'll find him." Edward said. Darn that mind-reading vampire!

"Over the river and through the woods to vampire's house we go!" Emmett sang as he skipped into the house. "I surrender aliens!" Yeah, I'm glad we're doing therapy.

"Emmett, let's start with you." He grinned.

"Fire away Doc!"

"Vampire."

"Killing."

"Blood."

"Yummy."

"Death."

"Hooray!"

"Um, Carlisle, are you sure he's okay?"

"Uh, no actually I'm scared." Carlisle then hid in the corner. Those Cullens loved that corner.

"Ooookay. Bella! Love."

"Edward."

"Awww! You pass!"

"YAY!"

"Now Alice, FUN!"

"Shopping."

"Addiction."

"Shopping."

"Shopping."

"Shopping."

"Alice, I think you have a shopping addiction."

"Yeah, I know."

"Um guys?" I said, realizing what time it was. "I'd love to continue, and I think we all could benefit from this, but I have to go. I have a scheduled starring contest with my goldfish."

"OOOOOooo! Can I come!" Jasper asked and started bouncing up and down.

"Uh, sure."

"HOORAY!"

**Yes, Jasper and I had fun starring at a fish. Even thought I don't own a fish.**

**Toodles!**


	12. There'sSoMuchMore

Hey I know you don't usually hear from me and that your're expecting this to be an update. Well it is an update...Kate has finally created her own account. I (Summer) was the one that got her on this site and she wanted to share for awhile, but now she has her own. She's growing up fast (well we both are). Anyway all the stories on here written by her will remain on here, besides her new story Unfinished. She'll be posting any new story on there too.

Her new name is There's-So-Much-More. The link is on my profile.

Thanks for all the reviews that still come in, love you all

~CrazyPerson17 (The One and Only)

P.S. I guess the one and only part is for real now


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